I started as the main character
In the musical My Fair Lady, Eliza’s father sings this wonderful song called “With a Little Bit of Luck” on the morning of his wedding. I spent the summer of 2003 performing in this show with a wonderful semi-professional theatre in Upstate NY, where I’m from.
It happened to be the show where I met my ex-husband for the first time. This song was the biggest dance number in the show, and even though it thoroughly kicked our butts every night, it was my favorite number to perform. There’s something about being in a perfectly choreographed dance number and pulling it off in perfect harmony with the people around you that creates a magical energy. Where every single one of you feels like the main character, even if you’re just a chorus girl.
This is the hum, the YES, the thing that makes you feel alive and fully harmonized and like you’re doing exactly what you’re meant to be doing in that one moment. That feeling is what keeps me coming back to theatre year after year, and what I’m constantly hunting for in my every day life. With a little bit of luck, I hope to find this elusive hum every single day until I die.
Figuring it all out again after everything changed
When I started over after my divorce, I asked myself what I wanted my days to look like. So often, our daily lives becomes about what we need to do for everyone around us. Do they need us to take care of something for them? Do we need to clean the house so that they’re comfortable? Do they need dinner? Errands run? Anything special coming up we need to plan for? The list goes on and on and as a life-long people pleaser, I fell in line with this way of life during my marriage.
I tried to make time to do the things that I enjoyed, but it was a struggle to feel like I was getting what I needed to fill my cup most of the time. My wants and needs felt like they’d been buried beneath the surface, and looking back, I knew that it was something I had allowed over years of surrendering to the pressures of society and expectation and my own inability to stand up for myself. So when I had the chance to re-think how I was treating myself and allotting the time in my day, I knew that I needed to make big changes.
I will add that I am very fortunate in that after my separation, my ex-husband was still very involved in my life and wanted to be very accommodating to my and our son’s needs. He still asks what I need every week when we are working out our childcare arrangements, and he gladly takes our son for several days a week, giving me much more time to myself than I have ever had before.
It was an adjustment going from full-time mom to a mom that doesn’t have her kid all the time, but I’ve learned that those days are not for being sad or lamenting our time away, it’s time to take care of myself and see to my own needs. So now I cherish the opportunity I have to check in and see what I need to feel content and fulfilled as a fully autonomous person with agency over all of the parts of my life that I ignored and neglected for so long. And my main goal since making this transition has been to chase that hum, baby.
What do you do when you realize you can find what you actually want?
I asked myself if I could spend my day doing exactly what I wanted to do and being the truest most beautiful version of myself, to steal that fantastic phrase from Glennon Doyle, then what would that look like? I remember sitting in the sunlight on my porch one morning sipping tea, listening to lo-fi, and journaling, and I decided to visualize that perfect day.
I closed my eyes and watched myself having a slow morning, doing spiritual work, meditating, doing yoga. Then an afternoon where I peacefully worked on projects that filled me with energy and purpose and satisfaction, things like recording voice over, writing, editing, designing, filming, and planning content. I took a break to go on a hike with my dog, to eat a healthy nourishing lunch, and to do some things around the house. Then I finished working and filled the rest of my day with joy. Singing, dancing, working in my garden, making dinner, drinking wine and reading, doing relaxing projects like painting or crochet, and taking a long luxurious bath before bed.
I imagined that day then I also imagined a day with my son, where I was able to do many of those things alongside him, involving him, and adding things that we love to do together. I saw us laughing, so much laughing. This exercise filled me with so much happiness I felt I must have been glowing, radiating outwardly to anyone who might have seen me. I wrote it all down, I scripted this life that I wanted to step into, and I claimed it as my present and my future. That’s how I started on the journey to creating the life I wanted to live, a life full of hum and YES and THIS, every day.
How to make it happen (as best you can)
For the most part, I try to deliberately plan my days with this vision in mind. Because I still have a full-time job that I do from home, part of my work day must be spent in performing those duties, but I also set aside time for the projects that I care about and that are feeding and growing the creative soul inside of me.
But the big thing I realized once I started prioritizing these things, is that there is no reason why I couldn’t start living as if my dream life was already mine today. I used to push a lot of the things I wanted to do off until another day. I’d rationalize that I was too busy, I had to take care of my house, I had to make time for my husband, I had to be a mom, and that meant that the things I did just for me couldn’t take up my valuable time when they weren’t as important. But aren’t they? Now that I have more perspective, I know that they are just as important.
They are as important as taking care of the people you love, because you should be on that list too. You should be at the top. I’m not saying to ignore your families or your responsibilities, but try to imagine your way into more balance. Imagine your life if taking care of yourself was just as important as taking care of everything else.
Start to work in one thing a day that’s healing, or energizing, or brings you contentment. Maybe you’ll find you can work in more, then maybe you’ll start to find more of the hum in yourself more of the time. Until your life is the hum. That’s the goal. That’s living. That’s the secret to main character energy.
Steps to Reclaiming your Main Character Energy
- Have a notebook or journal nearby. Get comfortable and come into a calm state of mind, similar to meditation. High frequency music is great for this. Close your eyes and take some deep breaths, focusing on clearing your mind and feeling into your heart space. Softening and listening.
- Go into the expansive dark space of your mind where you can visualize. Ask yourself what your life would look like if you could spend your day doing exactly what you wanted to do and being the truest most beautiful version of yourself? What would you do? How would you spend your time? Let yourself go, visualize yourself living this life and pay attention to how the things you choose to do are making you feel, as well as how differently you carry or present yourself.
- Feel free to adjust this exercise to fit your situation. For me, I had to do it twice because my life is very different on days when I am alone versus when I have my son at home. Your ideal day doesn’t have to look the same every day, you can re-imagine your life to fit what you need.
- Really feel into the emotions that your dream life stirs in you. Let yourself vibe in that space for a bit. Notice what emotions it brings up in you and allow yourself to feel them deeply.
- When it feels right, slowly come out of your visualization and open your eyes. Grab your journal and script this day out in writing, in first person or past tense, as if you are thinking about how you spend/spent your days now. Include details like how you dress, how you carry yourself, and how it feels to be doing things that bring you joy and feel purposeful.
- On a fresh page, write out the things you could start doing in your life today that would be aligned with this life. Then list things you could start working up to doing through a process of making some small changes in your life. Then list the big stuff, the things that are your big vision for the future that will become easier once you build the infrastructure to support it by making all of those other changes first.
- Read your scripted story of your dream life every day, preferably right before bed or right after waking up.
- You won’t be able to step into this new life immediately, but the things that start to become clear priorities can start to be integrated little by little until you start to feel the hum in your daily life as you begin to see your desires manifest in reality. The more you step into that main character from your dreams, the better and more aligned you will feel and the easier it will feel to start working towards the bigger things.
You can become the main character, no matter where you are starting from. Small changes can add up to life-changing transformation quickly when you realize how much better you feel when you are honoring your own needs and desires. Thank you for reading. Let’s talk again soon.
Resources:
- The Five Minute Journal – A popular journal that makes reflecting, affirming your desires, and manifesting a quick and easy part of your day
- My Bookshop.com Personal Development Book Rec List – full of books on self-discovery, personal development, inner work, psychology, neuroscience, and ways to just live better.
- Listen to my Visualize Your Dream Life Meditation by downloading the track from my website or watching the meditation on YouTube.
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*Purchases made from Amazon links earn commissions. There is no price difference for you whether you purchase from the link or not. I earn a very small percentage of each sale, which goes to support my small business.
