how important is loving yourself, really?
How can we truly grow if we don’t even love who we are?
It’s a question I come back to again and again when I find myself feeling a little lost and off my path. To be honest, self-love is a bit of a buzzword in personal development so you might think its importance is over-inflated, yet in practice it holds a profound importance that can shape our paths and influence our overall well-being. It really is that important. Think of people you’ve known, or perhaps a time when you found yourself entrenched in a cycle of self-loathing or doubt and shame, unaware that this negative perception was actually hindering your personal evolution. What was the impact on your (or their) life?
My own journey with divorce highlighted this struggle for me. As I awoke to the reality that I’d ultimately stifled my growth and happiness due to the creep of unworthiness and loss of confidence over the years, I realized it all stemmed from my inability to love myself enough to believe that I deserved better.
Let’s get into why self-love and self-worth are such an important part of anyone’s personal development, and how to start changing your current state of self-love. To help with that, I’ve created a free resource called “Self-Love Rituals & Practices.” It’s a PDF workbook with ten-minute morning and evening self-love rituals, journaling prompts, a 7-day self-love challenge, and a guided self-love meditation. I would love for you to try it out and let me know how it goes!
Can We Succeed in our PD Journey without Self-Love?
In the personal growth world, there is a common misconception that achieving transformation equates to merely ‘fixing’ one’s flaws. However, true growth transcends the superficial act of mending; it embodies the essential journey of learning to embrace and cherish oneself.
When someone truly loves who they are, they open the door to authentic experiences, relationships, and the pursuit of fulfillment in life. When they realize they aren’t getting what they deserve, they’ll say ‘wait a minute, I’m not okay with this,’ and then actually do something about it. They will fight for themselves.
This connection between self-worth and personal development is paramount. Without it, any attempts to change may feel insincere and fleeting, leaving you dissatisfied with your progress and unable to maintain the results because deep down, you don’t believe yourself worthy of the good that will come from your transformation.
By bringing our focus to self-love as a foundational element of our journey, we can be propelled toward environments and relationships that mirror our sense of worth back to us. Acknowledging self-love and compassion as integral to personal growth encourages a commitment to nurturing this vital aspect of ourselves, thereby instilling confidence and clarity in our life paths and more success as we pursue it.
Why Self-Love is Foundational to Personal Growth
I hope you can see why I believe self-love is such an essential cornerstone for personal growth, because it plays a pivotal role in how we perceive ourselves, approach our lives, and what treatment we accept from others. Living with a deficit of self-love can often lead to friction between how we’re living and the lives we aspire to. I know I’ve lived in this friction way too often and it is not fun. I’ve felt the shame and the sting of knowing that the life I wanted to live was not the life I was allowing myself to have.
When you engage in self-rejection, shaming, and judgment that is turned inward, your actions are often motivated by feelings of inadequacy, compelling you to change or act merely to align with societal standards or meet the expectations of influential people in your life like your parents or your partner. This is approval or validation-seeking behavior. This type of lifestyle is reactive and often leads to temporary changes that lack sustainable fulfillment, and never fully satisfy.
But don’t you want to be sated? In contrast, self-love fosters a proactive mindset, allowing people to evolve and make decisions from a place of acceptance, encouragement, and intrinsic excitement, rather than from fear or resentment. You find yourself people-pleasing less, setting boundaries around what you engage with and how you are treated, and accepting the help and praise of those who see and value you for who you are more easily.
You can begin to understand that change is not a matter of proving yourself worthy but rather an avenue to explore your identity, desires, and passions, and to use this knowledge of yourself to make your life better. This powerful paradigm shift leads to healthier and happier people who trust themselves and make choices that genuinely resonate with their core values more.
Ultimately, the transformation that self-love and compassion offer is long-lasting personal growth fostered by connecting someone to their intrinsic motivations and empowering them to use that as their guidance system. Along this path, the things they truly want to manifest will become more attainable because they finally see themselves as worthy and aligned with those things, and as such they will see and discover that their world shifts to support them as they move forward towards these goals.
Debunking the Self-Love Myth and Practical Ways to Reclaim It
Self-love is often misconceived as an indulgence or a form of selfishness that disregards the needs of others. This perception can prevent people from recognizing the profound impact that self-love has on personal growth and overall well-being. Contrary to the belief that self-love simply equates to pampering oneself, it is fundamentally about recognizing one’s worth and practicing kindness toward oneself, especially during difficult times. It is essential to understand that self-love does not guarantee unshakeable confidence; rather, it is about embracing one’s imperfections and understanding that everyone has struggles, but you deserve love and acceptance regardless of any of that.
One effective approach to reclaiming self-love is through healing inner dialogue. This involves actively challenging negative thoughts and replacing them with affirming statements. For instance, instead of thinking “I am not good enough,” you might reframe this to “I am doing my best, and that is enough.” This practice promotes a healthier relationship with yourself, fostering resilience and self-acceptance.
Engaging in shadow work is another transformative strategy for reclaiming self-love. This process encourages individuals to confront and integrate the parts of themselves that they may have suppressed or ignored or been shamed about. By acknowledging these aspects, you can gain a more comprehensive understanding of yourself, ultimately leading to a more authentic self-love. It allows for the acceptance of flaws, healing from childhood wounds, and nurtures growth and actualization.
Additionally, journaling serves as a practical tool to facilitate deeper introspection. A simple prompt such as “What do I love about myself?” invites exploration of your unique gifts, talents, natural tendencies and quirks. Setting aside time each day or week for this journaling practice can significantly enhance self-awareness and nurture a loving relationship with yourself.
We love a project
I also recommend starting a new doc on your computer, a Pinterest board, or a page in your journal called “Special Project Planning” where you can begin creating a vision for the things you want to cultivate in your life that speak to your innate interests and delights. I did this after my divorce and as I started crossing things off my list, I realized that I was finally taking action on things I’d wanted to change about my life for years and years, but had never had the confidence or love for myself to prioritize.
I planned to redecorate my bedroom, I planned to get rid of things I only owned because they were somehow a part of the ‘me’ that other people expected me to be, I created a morning routine that allowed me to spend some time with myself in peace while I worked on myself. This list was aspirational, and the more I worked on my self-worth and reflecting on who I really was and what I really wanted, I started to transform into the version of me that inspired that list in the first place. 10/10 Highly recommend.
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Practices to reclaim your self-love and cultivate more self-worth
- Download your FREE Self-Love Rituals & Practices PDF with Guided Meditation MP3
- Reframing your inner dialogue. Make a list of all the things you find yourself saying that are not loving or supportive and rewrite them into a list of affirmations you can reach for any time you find yourself slipping back into that mindset. Mirror work is a great way to practice these affirmations and begin seeing more to love within you.
- Do shadow work and journaling prompts to help you explore where your dominant beliefs about your worth and ability to give and receive love came from. This is the one I recommend if you want a ready-made resource rather than researching what prompts and exercises would be good for you, or finding a shadow-work guide.
- Make yourself a project and create a Special Project Planning doc or Pinterest board to help you find and plan changes that are more aligned to the version of you who truly loves themself and believes they are worthy of the things they want in life.
- Listen to my Guided Self-Love Meditation every day for a month and see the difference it makes in your life! Check out my other meditations and freebies while you’re at it 🙂
Thank you for reading, stay tuned to the Everyday Projector YouTube channel where I’ll have a new video all about why self-love and self-worth practices should be an essential part of your manifestation routine up soon!
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